(That's last year. No cherry blossoms for a few more weeks!)
A few months in, when I was still in DC but needed a new place to live, God gave me a miraculous little house and some slightly wonderful roommates. That's more of a story that I will tell another time, but I live in a little brick reminder of the fact that every part of my time in DC has been a gift. My whole life is a gift from God, I know, and I don't want to make light of that, but it's been particularly obvious that my being here now is just one gift after another. Each person and each place--it's almost funny how many doors the Lord opened that I didn't even know were there! This is not at all what I expected to be doing this year, but it's great!
Yet sometimes I find myself wondering what I'm doing here, and why. Wondering so hard that it wells up in my eyes and pours down my face--not because things are going badly, but simply because I do not know. This isn't what I expected to do, so I can't see where it's going, and that scares me if I let it.
But God, my wonderful Father who loves me, reminds me of Himself. He lets me look back at all of these gifts, at all the tiny threads He has woven together this far and I am amazed. Only He knows how to weave our lives together, and I sit overwhelmed by how tiny I am in the fabric that's being made, and yet how specific He is in caring for me.
I look at my tiny little self in that picture He is making, in the one corner of it that I can see. I feel like I don't know anything, and I really can't even do much, but isn't that good for me! When I can see what I don't know, I'm quicker to see what He is doing. Maybe you are not like this, but sometimes I get distracted by myself and need to be shocked back into the reality that I'm not that great. Not in a self-deprecating or poor-me way, but truly recognizing that the best of me can't even begin to compare to the shadow of God's greatness. And this is good! He is truly, completely, nothing missing and always enough for me, and that makes me love my smallness, which lets me sink in and enjoy how much better God is than I would be.
And all of this came out of my one year anniversary with this city. I used to think I might end up in DC one day, in some vague, far-off future thought. I didn't know how long I would come or what I would do here or when, but suddenly, by no plan I made, DC is now in my present. And it's still a little vague to me, but that's okay, because I couldn't have figured it out this far by myself anyway. I would quite literally not be here now if I were on my own, but my God who knows how to guide and give so perfectly is with me, and He does not change. In everything I don't know, He brings me back to things I do know, like this:
This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
In the Lord, whose word I praise,
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid (Psalm 56:9-11)
beautiful Mary! thanks for the encouragement today to trust God- He always knows best!! And He loves to surprise us!!
ReplyDeleteYes He does!! And it's always so much better and more astonishing than anything I would come up with :) I love it! And I love you, too. Thanks Charissa!
DeleteThat's wonderful, Mary.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean by how the uncertainty of where you are right now, compared to where you thought you'd be right now, can be so intimidating. I've been there.
It's brilliant, however, to see that you have placed yourself in the best position possible; submission to God. You know that He has the best plan for you, that He knows where you're going and that you're taking steps of faith. Although you may be a small thread in the fabric of what He's doing, you are VERY important to Him, and He loves you!
I hope that you continue to have fun in DC, and look forward to seeing how He blesses you more and more wherever you are or whatever you end up doing. After all, He is with you every step of the way, but He's alreasy been ahead, seen what's what, and smoothed the road!
Maybe I could come visit next time I'm in the US. I've always been interested to visit the Nation's Capital.
AC.
Thanks, Andrew! Isn't it funny how we all go through these not-knowing times? I think it's so good for us, because we can see so many amazing things about God's love out of it. It's awesome!
DeleteAnd yes, you should come to DC next time you're in the country! I'll show you around :)
That is beautifully written, friend! Andrew said all that I wanted to say. I'll just add that I love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Dingo, and I love you too!
DeleteI love this; iyou have so perfectly illustrated our total dependence on Him for absolutely every turn in life.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Andrew and everyone said! This is amazing, both in writing and in the message! It's such a wonderful reminder of how being so tiny is such a blessing. And thanks Mary, I really needed this! Love you!
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